Extra Credit Review - Ally McBeal, Season 4 (2001)

So, for the sake of science and the enjoyment of my readership, I have just finished viewing 23 episodes of Ally McBeal.

Twenty.Three.

I freely admit that it took me, like, 3 weeks to do it. This involved 6 DVDs from Netflix, and when you take into account the fact that they only mail me one at a time, I think I made pretty darned good time.

Ally McBeal was on in the mid-90's to early 00's. I didn't watch it when it was originally on air. In fact, I don't want most things when they are originally aired. I usually wait several years and watch them in syndication. This is regardless of the show's popularity. Because that's how I roll.

So, in the interest of including a pointless list in my blog post, I've compiled a short list of shows that I didn't watch much of, if at all - and some I still don't.

Friends
Seinfeld
Ally McBeal (obviously)
ER
any of the CSI's
Grey's Anatomy
LA Law (okay, I know that's a bit of time travel for some of you, but to me it feels like last week)
Two and a Half Men
Home Improvement
any of the Law and Order's

and the list goes on and on.

What do I watch, you ask?

Reruns of The Golden Girls
Reruns of King of the Hill
Most anything on the Food Network
I used to watch 24, but that was like years ago.

And that's pretty much it. Do with it what you will.

Back to the business at hand. What did I think of Ally McBeal? Well, I can see why it was popular, but I can also see why it was canceled the following year. The season started off well, but by about episode 15 or so, I was ready to quit. Our Hero had to make a rather untimely departure at the end of the season - some minor situation involving a debt to society - and the re-writes were so, frankly, sucky and his character so summarily dismissed as to make me wish he had never agreed to do the show in the first place.

People were slobbering all over themselves when RDJR agreed to do the show (even I, cave dweller, remember that). I think he won a Golden Globe or something for his performance. In my humble opinion, the bestowing of that award was more of a commentary on the sad state of TV than on RDJR's performance. Yes, it was good, notwithstanding how crappily it was written. It's the award show version of saying, "Gee, this burger tastes great, considering how much meat-flavored soy and non-food additives it contains." Hardly a compliment.

Again, I know that Our Hero reads my blog...please accept my apologies for the harsh words. But I am, above all, a scientist. Now that RDJR is an uber-star, I'm sure that a repeat TV performance would be...unlikely, a fact for which I'm grateful. Because some things, like some people, just are not meant to be together.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Today is September 12th, which means that yesterday was September 11th. I worked behind a cash register yesterday, just like it was any other Saturday. But it wasn't. It was September 11th.

I spoke with a very nice man visiting from Canada with his daughter. It seems prices are much better down here than they are in British Columbia. Having a wonderful vacation in a foreign country. I smiled, I nodded, I said the appropriate things. Behind my eyes, I was thinking, "Today is September 11th. You aren't from here. Do you have any idea what it means to be an American today?" I actually found myself wishing they would just go home to that country that has the financial and strategic privilege of bordering America, because today is September 11th and they shouldn't be here today, having a good time.

Irrational, yes. Quite. And this year it's hitting me much harder than it has in the past, because my youngest is now old enough to comprehend the enormity of what happened. And you know the drill. Starting around September 9th, all the channels start showing their documentaries, their news reels, whatever else they pull out this time of year of that day. But for my son, this is brand-new stuff. He sits, glued to the TV, watching planes hit buildings. Watching people jump to their deaths. Watching buildings crumble to the ground in a dust-cloud roar. His eyes wide, his mouth slightly open, he stares in fascination that this actually happened in his own country, during his own lifetime. It's all new to him. And because I love him, it makes it all new to me too. And it hurts.

Review #62 - That's Adequate (1990)

From the back of the box: "This is the story of Adequate Pictures, a whacked out and washed up movie studio with no money, no class, and no qualms about stealing ideas from other studios and making them their own. Adequate has, through the years, managed to give us such classics as "Einstein on the Bounty", "Baby Frankenstein", and "Singing in the Synagogue". The end result is the most outrageously comic and outlandish inside look into the workings of a movie studio since the beginning of Hollywood."

NOSTALGIC MOMENT: Remember when VHS tapes were first mass-marketed in the mid to late 1980's? You never bought them, you only rented them. This is because they were ungodly expensive. This particular VHS is marked $89.95. Isn't that just a trip?

Anyhow, this flick is a mockumentary, narrated by Tony Randall, about pseudostudio Adequate Pictures. It was actually funny at moments, depending on how you define the word "moment." I'm going for a period of time which lasts approximately 2-3 minutes. If that matches your personal definition, great. If you say a "moment" should be, oh, 10 minutes or so - well, then this film was not funny for a moment.

It's rated R because it has some crude parts and gratuitous nudity, just like everything else released in 1990. There were moments that my 11-year old covered his face. There were also times where I covered my face. They usually were not the same parts.

Our Hero portrays Albert Einstein in a snippet called "Einstein on the Bounty," which was about as good as you could expect it to be. He was young and had big, wild hair. It felt like I was looking at my high school annual, rather than watching a movie.

Bright spots: Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara; Bruce Willis; the "Stand-Up Comics for the Poor" sketch. The rest...uh...I don't really remember.

I didn't despise it as much as I have despised the last few films. That's about the biggest compliment I can give this one. For $89.95, I'll sell it to you. Just e-mail me. Hey, don't blame me - I didn't set the price.

A rating? How about a 4.5, because of Anne Meara's "interview" segment where she says, "my daughter hated me, but hey, you can't love everybody."

Denverosity

So, I've taken my third-born child off to college. I now have 1 left at home. There is a plethora of blog posts here.

My first inclination was to write a self-pitying post about leaving my child at college, watching all the other COUPLES doing the same with their own kids, and realizing that I was, yet again, ALONE at a traumatic moment in my life, sans a soul mate. But I figure you aren't in the mood for a downer.

So I've decided to write about the plane trip. You know that's going to be good.

After arriving at Denver International Airport at 12:45 for my 5:55 flight (I had no choice about said early arrival), I proceeded directly to Ms. Ticket Agent. I did this on the slim chance that I could actually get out of Denver on an earlier flight. Han Solo navigating an asteroid field...those kind of odds.

I asked Ms. Ticket Agent if she could bump me up. Turns out that Frontier flies to Spokane two times a day, and I'd already missed the 1st flight - so 5:55 was my only opportunity to leave the Mile-High City that day. Ms. Ticket Agent also found it humorous that I might believe Frontier would go to a place like Spokane more than twice per day. I am glad to have afforded the opportunity for a nice chuckle to Ms. Ticket Agent. You're welcome, Ms. Ticket Agent.

So, I settled in for the duration. I ate at McDonald's. I read. I walked around. I ate ice cream. I read some more. The afternoon actually wasn't so terribly bad. If I would have had a recliner at my disposal, it actually would have been a pleasant experience.

Then boarding time came. I was in the back of the plane, which always sucks because they haul that drink cart all the way up to the front, and you get your Pepsi last. Anyway, there was one open row behind me. In walks Luis, who looked about 4; Abril, who looked about 2; a little baby, and a young mom with a lot of makeup on. How do I know their names, you ask? Just wait.

For your review...please find below....

What Tina learned from Frontier Airlines flight, Denver to Spokane, 9/4/2010

1. When you see a young mother with 3 kids, who is wearing lots of makeup and really impractical shoes - this is a tip-off that things are not going to go well on your flight. A young mother who takes the time to get all dolled up to fly with 3 little kids puts a lot of value on her own comfort. This is not good. Instead, she should be wearing a formula-vomit-covered t-shirt with Nilla wafer clots stuck to the front, a pair of 3-year-old Nikes, and jeans from Penneys. She should be wearing absolutely no makeup. She, in fact, should look like she's been drug behind the stagecoach from Walnut Grove to Sleepy Eye. THAT'S the mom that keeps her kids quiet.

2. On "I Love Lucy", when Ricky would tell Lucy that she couldn't be in da show, Lucy would let out with a 3-second wail, "WAAAAAAAAHHH." We would laugh. Funny Lucy. However, if the show opened each week with Ricky telling Lucy that she couldn't be in da show, and then she spent 24 minutes wailing, "WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH," it would not be funny.

3. Abril sounds just like Lucy when she wants to.

4. Abril is not adjusting well to no longer being the "baby of the family" and takes every opportunity to show said maladjustment. The atrocities which cause Abril to wail include: sitting down, being quiet for more than 3 seconds, wearing her seat belt and taking in oxygen.

5. Luis knows 2 words. They are both in Spanish. He says only the following: MAMA! MAMA MIRA! MAMA MIRA! MIRA! MIRA! MAMA MIRA! MIRA MIRA MIRA!" He also lacks volume control with his two words. My 3 years of high school Spanish remind me that Luis is trying to get Mama to look at something. Anything. Look Mama - a cloud! Look Mama - a magazine in the back of the seat! Look Mama - Abril's head is spinning around!

6. When a 4-year old keeps grabbing your seat back, flick his pudgy little germ-infested hand with your thumb and forefinger and he will stop. Just don't let anyone see you, or you will get a reputation as "the mean lady sitting in front of Luis."

7. Almost as annoying as the 2 hours of Lucy-wail was the 2 hours of Mother braying, "Ah-BREEL! Ah-BREEL! Ah-BREEL!" There were a few other words, but they were in Spanish and I don't recall what they were, because she was talking too fast. Evidently they were too much for Abril too, because the words seemed to have no measured affect on anyone.

8. Vin Diesel has a black doppelganger who sat in my row. Well, "doppelganger" may be a stretch. He shaved his head and sounded like Vin. Other than that he was a doink.

9. Abril's mom has an impaired sense of smell which prevents her from changing diapers in a timely fashion, even though the source of the odor is strapped to her chest, squirming and wailing.

10. I'd gladly sit through another 5 hours at the airport, rather than 5 more minutes with Abril.

Thus endeth the flight. I eventually made it home without hitting a deer, Luis, or Abril. It was a good trip for all.