Review #66 - Due Date (2010)

Gather close, my little chickens.  The time has arrived for our last review.  There are no more new releases to await with breathless anticipation.  No more videos to root out of their little VHS foxholes.  This is it.  There's no more Christmas after tonight.

This is not, however, our last post.  We still have to acknowledge the most, er, NOTEWORTHY films of Our Hero's colorful career with an overblown awards ceremony.  And I have a swan song for you...a fable, of sorts, to put a caboose on our endeavor.  This is not goodbye.

On that note - welcome to Due Date, released yesterday here in the good old US of A.  From our friends at rottentomatoes.com, I provide this synopsis: "A high-strung father-to-be is forced to hitch a ride with a college slacker on a road trip in order to make it to his child's birth on time."

I originally saw previews for this film over the summer, and if you recall, I wasn't impressed.  In September, I saw an extended preview which was a lot more entertaining.  Thus I had hope for the film, in the way you hope your Little Molly's rendition of "Jingle Bells" will knock all the other first-grade parents dead at the Christmas Pageant, even though Little Molly can't carry a tune in a bucket to save her life.  That frightened, over-bright pasted-on smile with terror in your eyes kind of hope.

Armed with the Trio of Movie Goodness, two facets of which came from the dollar store, and my dear friend Crissy, I set off to place the final brick in this little yellow blog road. 

Oh, insert here that I went to the movie already pissed at Zach G-guywiththelonglastname, as he and his self-righteous little reefer madness cohorts got Mel Gibson fired from "The Hangover 2".  Seems that this elite Hollywood crowd disapproves of Mr. Gibson's recent voice mails which have been mysteriously leaked to the press, and as a result, feel that Mel should be ritually sacrificed as their purity won't allow for such tainted blood to co-mingle with their own.  Funny how this righteous indignation managed to be suppressed long enough to allow for Mike Tyson, A CONVICTED FELON RAPIST, to appear in the first Hangover movie.  Isn't that special.

Moving on...

You will probably hear reviews over the next week which compare this film to "Planes, Trains and Automobiles."  The comparisons are justified.  Truly, it is pretty much the same flick, with the humor updated by 25 years or so.  That being said, PT&A was hysterical, so why NOT try it again?  Our Hero was a little less endearing than Steve Martin; Zach what's his face was a little stupider than John Candy.   RDJR actually spits on a dog and punches an obnoxious little kid in the gut.  Works for me.

You will probably also hear reviews that this film was disappointing.  I think that's too harsh.  I laughed, I had a good time with my buddy.  I ate popcorn and milk duds.  I went to a rated R movie in the theater for the first time in recent memory, sans my 11-year old companion.  It probably could have been better, maybe develop the Jamie Foxx storyline a bit - I love me some Jamie Foxx.  I probably won't buy it, but might Netflix it and skip the R scenes so Tav can watch it at home.

If you see Due Date and think it royally sucks, let me know and I'll mail you a VHS of a truly crappy movie for comparison.  I now have a collection of them, you see.

For the very last time, I assign a number and give Due Date a 7.5.

Do You Hear the Drums, Fernando?

The time has come to unveil our blog topic for 2011.

I am sure that you are pale with excitement.  May I have a drumroll?

Clear your mind, pour a glass of moderately affordable wine, and go to our new blog http://nowthatsanimprovement.blogspot.com/ to learn about our new project.  There won't be much action there until January 1st, but if you sign up to follow now, then you won't have to remember to go back later.

Moving On

The move is done. Tav and I are settled into my guardian angel's basement. Now comes the fun part - the D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Having been through this before, I have an idea of the drill. In fact, I have the papers all filled out on my computer - just need to print and walk myself up to the courthouse, which is exactly 1 block from my office. Then Mr. Psycho gets served and we are off to the races.

He actually drove 20 miles yesterday to dump his dog in my parents' yard. So, today, I'm sending little Tasha (I use the term "little" broadly) off to a rescue shelter, where she will live in harmony with other divorce dogs. My own dog has a new home already, at my best friend's house. That's what RESPONSIBLE people do. But you, my dear readers, are the creme de la creme, and so of course you know what responsible people do.

The bright side to Mr. Psycho's little adventure is that he killed any remnants of affection that my youngest son may have still harbored in his 11-year old heart. I think that Tav is holding up exceptionally well. He only made one comment, when we first got here and we hadn't hacked into our landlord's wireless connection yet - "Great, I have no dad and no internet." Well, guess what. Laptops are like the ring in the Lord of the Rings series, they WANT to find a wireless connection and seek them out with all their cyber ability. That problem resolved quickly enough. Then the "dog episode" happened, and now my 11-year old thinks that his stepfather is a complete jerk.

Mission accomplished.

Moving on - because my life is not just my shattered marriage, now is it? - our final feature film debuts in a little less than 2 weeks. I am bummed that it's rated R - did I already mention that, don't recall - because Tav can't go. But mommy is happy at the prospect of a comedy on the horizon.

Review #65 - Firstborn (1984)

Ah, the movie has arrived! My VHS copy of "Firstborn" has finally found its way to us. It comes sans box...so I had to take this summary from imdb.com:

"Because he's the oldest, Jake has been the man of the house, since his parents' divorce. When Mom starts seeing Sam, who always seems to be trying some new way to get rich quick, and declares he's the man of the house now, Jake puts up with it. Until he discovers Sam's illegal activities."

Mom is Teri Garr - Sam is Peter Weller - Jake, the oldest son, is some guy - and the little brother Brian is Corey Haim. Our Hero plays "weird friend", a role he perfected in the mid 80's.

So, at this point in our relationship, dear reader, you might think you can predict my reviews...so go for it. Stop right now and predict what I'm going to say about this 80's flick which was never released on DVD.

WRONG!!!! I actually LIKED this movie. I think, in fact, that it should be required viewing for every divorced woman with kids before she starts dating. Be careful, Ms. Divorcee, or you could end up a cokehead with Peter Weller sleeping on your couch all day.

The movie was good because it wasn't over the top. Mom's boyfriend, although a drug dealing junkie, put in a little effort with the kids, in his own sad way. Mom started doing drugs but didn't turn into a prostitute with track marks up and down her arms. And in the end -spoiler alert - the oldest son didn't kill mom's boyfriend, and all the problems the boyfriend caused didn't magically resolve themselves.

So, yes, I liked it. Frankly, I don't know why it hasn't been released on DVD. A lot worse crapola sure has been.

I give it a 7.5.