A Senior Moment

So, it's Friday night, and you know what that means, my little chickens - time for a movie review.

This evening I watched "To Live and Die in LA" (1985) and here's what Netflix had to say about it:

"After ace counterfeiter Rick Masters (Willem Dafoe) murders the partner of Secret Service agent Richard Chance (William Petersen), the gumshoe will stop at nothing to even the score. Big problem, though: Masters is, well, a master at the game and outfoxes Chance at every turn. Can Chance outwit him? William Friedkin directs this suspenseful, violent thriller with the City of Angels (a misnomer in this case) as the alluring backdrop."

Yes, it features Willem Dafoe, crazy/sexy. Even better, the opening credits tell us "Music by Wang Chung." Hello. I also am well-stocked with Diet Doctor Pepper and Milano cookies. I'm ready, baby. Bring it.

Robert Downey plays "Thomas Bateman" in this fine American classic, and I was on the lookout for him, knowing that he was only around 20 at the time. I looked and watched. And looked and watched.

And looked and watched. Sigh.

Guess who was a no-show? That would be our hero. So, after watching this masterpiece, I consult my friend Google. Turns out that Mr. Robert Downey SENIOR portrays "Thomas Bateman." Another sigh.

Even though I didn't even have to watch it - I tried to like this movie. Really, I did. It contained every single facet a diamond from the 80's should - synthesized music, gratuitous nudity, skin-tight acid-washed jeans. But alas, my diamond did not sparkle.

I used to think that "Minority Report" contained the worst chase scene ever filmed. I now stand corrected. This one takes the cake. And excuse me, but why, exactly, is our protagonist a "bad cop"? Inquiring minds would like to know. I liked the film's style (don't ask me what it is, what do I look like, NYU film school alum?) but at some point I, the adoring audience, needs to actually CARE about the good guy. Didn't happen.

So, 2 pieces of advice, my dear reader. Do not trust Netflix's list of "Robert Downey JUNIOR" movies as the gospel, and do not bother renting this one.