Quasi-Review #23 - The Incredible Hulk (2008)

This one came from Blockbuster, so here's what the back of the case has to say:

"Academy Award Nominee Edward Norton stars as scientist Bruce Banner, a man who has been living in shadows, scouring the planet for an antidote to the unbridled force of rage within him: The Hulk. But when military masterminds who dream of exploiting his powers force him back to civilization, he finds himself coming face to face with his most formidable foe: the Abomination - a nightmarish beast of pure aggression whose powers match the Hulk's own!"

RDJR has a cameo appearance at the very end of the film as Tony Stark...Stark is possibly the coolest dude of the 21 century, always well-dressed and sporting his Rorschach facial hair. I love me some Tony Stark.

So, I did not see this film in the theater, even though the genre is also known as "Tina-mation" due to my undying love for same, because the version of this story released in 2003 was so horrific that I couldn't stand to relive it. It was so exquisitely bad, I can't even remember who was in it, other than Jennifer Connelly, and she obviously didn't portray the main character.

Notice that I'm calling this a "quasi-review". Yes, I loved the movie...yes, you should see it if you haven't already, yes, I'll give it a 9 because it was uber-action - but I have another topic of discussion for you, my little chickens. Let's talk about my slobbering love affair with the cinema.

Attention actors, directors, writers, producers, and whomever else is on set - you are doing your thing for me. Well, I don't just mean me PERSONALLY, but people like me. I am a movie junkie, and you live to serve me.

The film actually starts at the snack bar, you know. I prep myself for my evening by purchasing the trio of movie goodness (see earlier posts if you don't know what I'm talking about) and picking just the right seat. At this point, my entire experience can be adversely affected by a stale box of Milk Duds and someone taking the seat next to me. I know you can't control that, Mr. Movie Guy, but it is what it is.

You know those previews that you all paste together? I love those. I even watch them at home on DVD, when I could actually skip them if I so choose. Dude, did you SEE the Iron Man 2 preview at Sherlock? I think every woman in the theater spontaneously ovulated. Only 2 1/2 more months until IM2....oh, where was I?

Ah yes. I love films - especially the blockbuster. I spend $20 (this includes the TMG) and, in return, get to spend 2 hours watching a performance involving a zillion people spending 10 zillion dollars, just for the sole purpose of entertaining me (and, of course, relieving me of my $20). I love romantic comedies. I love little indie films. I love dramas. I really love action/adventure movies. As long as it's not incredibly stupid, incredibly vulgar, or completely pointless - I'm in. It doesn't even have to be particularly well-acted, although that's certainly a plus. I want the EXPERIENCE, baby. I want to sit in that seat with the cupholders in the armrest. I want to say "OOOHHHHHHHH" when something unexpected happens, and laugh like a hyena or bawl my eyes out if I so choose. I want to go with my best buddy, and have our usual stage-whisper "preview chat" - "We gotta see that." "That looks dumb." "I don't get that." "We gotta see that too."

I'm your target audience, Hollywood. Keep me Jonesing and I'll be throwing 20's at you for years to come. Keep producing dog vomit like "Black and White", and I'll be pulling out my DVD's, streaming "Only You" on Netflix and popping my own corn. And no junkie wants to pop their own corn.