Review #46 - Short Cuts: The Film (1993)

Per our homeys at Netflix: "Robert Altman's mosaic masterpiece, based on Raymond Carver's short stories, presents a variety of characters --including a baker, a phone -sex provider and a clown --whose stale lives intersect and are forever altered through simple twists of fate. This moving tale's all-star cast includes Tim Robbins, Madeline Stowe, Bruce Davison, Andie MacDowell, Jack Lemmon and Anne Archer. Rated R, 3 hours and 9 minutes."

Well, this film has already broken the first commandment of Tina's Laws of Filmmaking: "Thou shalt not exceed 2 hours in length without a really, really good reason." 3 hours? Are you frickin' kidding me????

Setting that aside for now and moving on. Interesting bit of trivia for ya - there's a documentary on the making of this film which is also on "the list". It's found on certain editions of the DVD, but not, of course, the one I have from Netflix - which means I'm probably going to have to buy this movie just to get the additional stuff to review the documentary.

Watching this one was a lot like watching a soap opera. Not listed in our "all-star cast list" is Julianne Moore, who I love because she used to be on As The World Turns. Anyhow, Julianne's performance was stellar, except for the gratuitous frontal nudity shot of her airstrip bikini wax that lasted a good 3 or 4 minutes, as she used her blow dryer on her skirt while wearing only a top. I mean, really. Am I the only woman on the planet who wears panties anymore???

And Tim Robbins. My buddy Tim. I love his acting and hate his political views. He was wonderful. So NOT a Tim Robbins role, his character was a complete jackass - which made it even better.

The most unexpected moment would have to be when Huey Lewis peed in the river. I saw parts of Huey that I never anticipated seeing in this lifetime.

Anyway, all these characters end up intertwined (as The Bard at Netflix told us they would) in the most unexpected ways. But it was too long. I would completely cut out the story of the phone sex girl (she was in Single White Female with Bridget Fonda; I can't remember her name, what do I look like, Wikipedia?) and her husband (Sean Penn's brother), whose storyline unfortunately included Our Hero. Yes, I said it. The film would be better if you cut out Robert Downey. Don't get me wrong, he and Cris Penn were both creepily interesting, especially at the end of the movie - but the balance of their storyline was just so lame, and the movie was way too long, that deleting their storyline would have improved the film overall.

Don't be hating on me, now. I am, above all else, objective.

So there you have it. If you can stand to watch a 3-hour movie that has a lot of frontal nudity and phone-sex talk, Tim Robbins will make it worth your while. If you do, and you hate it, don't blame me - I TOLD you it was too long and dirty.

I give this one a 7 - which is sad, because it could have been a contender.