Review #59 - Rented Lips (1987)

Before I start my in-depth analysis, I have a little anecdotal side note for you.

As of the end of this week, I am in possession of 3 "new" (to me) VHS tapes of RDJR movies. As each arrived in the mail, I looked at the cover, read the back, and threw up a little in my mouth. I knew better than to save the sludge until the end. But, alas, I was lulled into complacency by the convenience of Netflix. Now I pay the price in film lover's purgatory of dvd non-releases from the 80's.

Anyhow, I also recently subscribed to Vogue, and they sent me this little canvas tote bag as a thank you. How nice. Just what every American woman needs, another free tote bag. I tossed it under my desk, and as each of these cinematic wonders arrived, I stuck it in the bag. I then decided to name the bag. I came up with these:

1. The Barf Bag
2. Bag of Horrors
3. Icky Bag
4. Satchel from Hell

So, after you read our review, please cast your vote as to the official bag name, or come up with one of your own.

Anyhow, there's work to be done. Here's what the back of the box had to say:

"Archie (Martin Mull) and Charlie (Dick Shawn) are "serious" filmmakers whose biggest hit to date, "Aluminum, Your Shiny Friend", hasn't exactly set the box offices on fire. All this is about to change when sleazy producer Bill Slotnick (Shelley Berman) talks the twosome into finish up a dirty movie called "Rented Lips", starring Wolf Dangler (Robert Downey Jr) and Mona Lisa (Jennifer Tilly). Archie and Charlie always wanted to make a "real" movie; now they get the chance - from the bottom up!"

I would rather sit in a bathtub filled with ice water, with a tazer in one hand and a rabid dog chewing on the other, than sit through this film again. I would rather eat dirt. I would rather clean the refrigerator with my toothbrush. I would rather just not do it.

Believe it or not - I have one positive thing to say. RDJR was pretty darned funny, even though he was still really young. Go figure. So, for about 5 minutes of this 82 minute film, I didn't wish I was getting a colonoscopy instead.

So, for a number, let's go with...oh... a 1.

One out of the bag, two to go.