The move is done. Tav and I are settled into my guardian angel's basement. Now comes the fun part - the D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
Having been through this before, I have an idea of the drill. In fact, I have the papers all filled out on my computer - just need to print and walk myself up to the courthouse, which is exactly 1 block from my office. Then Mr. Psycho gets served and we are off to the races.
He actually drove 20 miles yesterday to dump his dog in my parents' yard. So, today, I'm sending little Tasha (I use the term "little" broadly) off to a rescue shelter, where she will live in harmony with other divorce dogs. My own dog has a new home already, at my best friend's house. That's what RESPONSIBLE people do. But you, my dear readers, are the creme de la creme, and so of course you know what responsible people do.
The bright side to Mr. Psycho's little adventure is that he killed any remnants of affection that my youngest son may have still harbored in his 11-year old heart. I think that Tav is holding up exceptionally well. He only made one comment, when we first got here and we hadn't hacked into our landlord's wireless connection yet - "Great, I have no dad and no internet." Well, guess what. Laptops are like the ring in the Lord of the Rings series, they WANT to find a wireless connection and seek them out with all their cyber ability. That problem resolved quickly enough. Then the "dog episode" happened, and now my 11-year old thinks that his stepfather is a complete jerk.
Mission accomplished.
Moving on - because my life is not just my shattered marriage, now is it? - our final feature film debuts in a little less than 2 weeks. I am bummed that it's rated R - did I already mention that, don't recall - because Tav can't go. But mommy is happy at the prospect of a comedy on the horizon.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Review #65 - Firstborn (1984)
Ah, the movie has arrived! My VHS copy of "Firstborn" has finally found its way to us. It comes sans box...so I had to take this summary from imdb.com:
"Because he's the oldest, Jake has been the man of the house, since his parents' divorce. When Mom starts seeing Sam, who always seems to be trying some new way to get rich quick, and declares he's the man of the house now, Jake puts up with it. Until he discovers Sam's illegal activities."
Mom is Teri Garr - Sam is Peter Weller - Jake, the oldest son, is some guy - and the little brother Brian is Corey Haim. Our Hero plays "weird friend", a role he perfected in the mid 80's.
So, at this point in our relationship, dear reader, you might think you can predict my reviews...so go for it. Stop right now and predict what I'm going to say about this 80's flick which was never released on DVD.
WRONG!!!! I actually LIKED this movie. I think, in fact, that it should be required viewing for every divorced woman with kids before she starts dating. Be careful, Ms. Divorcee, or you could end up a cokehead with Peter Weller sleeping on your couch all day.
The movie was good because it wasn't over the top. Mom's boyfriend, although a drug dealing junkie, put in a little effort with the kids, in his own sad way. Mom started doing drugs but didn't turn into a prostitute with track marks up and down her arms. And in the end -spoiler alert - the oldest son didn't kill mom's boyfriend, and all the problems the boyfriend caused didn't magically resolve themselves.
So, yes, I liked it. Frankly, I don't know why it hasn't been released on DVD. A lot worse crapola sure has been.
I give it a 7.5.
"Because he's the oldest, Jake has been the man of the house, since his parents' divorce. When Mom starts seeing Sam, who always seems to be trying some new way to get rich quick, and declares he's the man of the house now, Jake puts up with it. Until he discovers Sam's illegal activities."
Mom is Teri Garr - Sam is Peter Weller - Jake, the oldest son, is some guy - and the little brother Brian is Corey Haim. Our Hero plays "weird friend", a role he perfected in the mid 80's.
So, at this point in our relationship, dear reader, you might think you can predict my reviews...so go for it. Stop right now and predict what I'm going to say about this 80's flick which was never released on DVD.
WRONG!!!! I actually LIKED this movie. I think, in fact, that it should be required viewing for every divorced woman with kids before she starts dating. Be careful, Ms. Divorcee, or you could end up a cokehead with Peter Weller sleeping on your couch all day.
The movie was good because it wasn't over the top. Mom's boyfriend, although a drug dealing junkie, put in a little effort with the kids, in his own sad way. Mom started doing drugs but didn't turn into a prostitute with track marks up and down her arms. And in the end -spoiler alert - the oldest son didn't kill mom's boyfriend, and all the problems the boyfriend caused didn't magically resolve themselves.
So, yes, I liked it. Frankly, I don't know why it hasn't been released on DVD. A lot worse crapola sure has been.
I give it a 7.5.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Lather, Rinse, Repeat
One week later - no movie yet. Our blog is in limbo and at the mercy of the United States Postal Service, and all that this implies.
I am also on the countdown to the "move". I am moving out in 6 days. What have I been doing lately, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Pack pack pack pack pack sort pack sort sort toss toss sort pack pack pack load load load pack.
I find myself taking showers in the evening, as well as my usual morning time. Why? Because my muscles are sore, that's why, and I don't have a nice bathtub in which to soak. I'm definitely getting too old for this heavy lifting crap.
We do have a bright spot on the horizon. According to Maestro Netflix, DVD #1 for the final season of The Tudors is supposed to arrive in my post office box tomorrow. I've been waiting months for the next installment of decapitations, and am therefore quite excited.
A final note - my 11-year old just informed me that he has a major part of his Magellan report due on Tuesday; and, if he were not required to take a shower tonight, it would give him more time to work on it and meet the deadline. The implication here is, if he doesn't get it turned in on time, it's because I have burned valuable daylight and FORCED him to practice some form of hygiene. Just IMAGINE what he can get accomplished if he doesn't have to brush his teeth as well?
I am also on the countdown to the "move". I am moving out in 6 days. What have I been doing lately, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Pack pack pack pack pack sort pack sort sort toss toss sort pack pack pack load load load pack.
I find myself taking showers in the evening, as well as my usual morning time. Why? Because my muscles are sore, that's why, and I don't have a nice bathtub in which to soak. I'm definitely getting too old for this heavy lifting crap.
We do have a bright spot on the horizon. According to Maestro Netflix, DVD #1 for the final season of The Tudors is supposed to arrive in my post office box tomorrow. I've been waiting months for the next installment of decapitations, and am therefore quite excited.
A final note - my 11-year old just informed me that he has a major part of his Magellan report due on Tuesday; and, if he were not required to take a shower tonight, it would give him more time to work on it and meet the deadline. The implication here is, if he doesn't get it turned in on time, it's because I have burned valuable daylight and FORCED him to practice some form of hygiene. Just IMAGINE what he can get accomplished if he doesn't have to brush his teeth as well?
Sunday, October 10, 2010
A VHS Experience
Well, dear friends - I have exciting news.
The price on the one remaining released RDJR film that we need to review has PLUMMETED. Can I get a woot woot? So, speeding its way through the United States Postal System as we speak is one copy of "First Born". I'm so happy I didn't cave a day earlier and buy it. I have the willpower of a Vulcan, do I not.
Also - my "stats" inform me that last week, this blog had 14 hits in Malta. I'm huge in Malta. Welcome, my Maltese friend. Please introduce yourself so that I can say that I know somebody in Malta.
Contest time, dear readers - post the most interesting trivia or anecdote about Malta and you will win my VHS copy of "America". Serious as a heart attack, it is yours - and be forewarned, slap jack no take back. I will even autograph it for you.
The floor is now open.
The price on the one remaining released RDJR film that we need to review has PLUMMETED. Can I get a woot woot? So, speeding its way through the United States Postal System as we speak is one copy of "First Born". I'm so happy I didn't cave a day earlier and buy it. I have the willpower of a Vulcan, do I not.
Also - my "stats" inform me that last week, this blog had 14 hits in Malta. I'm huge in Malta. Welcome, my Maltese friend. Please introduce yourself so that I can say that I know somebody in Malta.
Contest time, dear readers - post the most interesting trivia or anecdote about Malta and you will win my VHS copy of "America". Serious as a heart attack, it is yours - and be forewarned, slap jack no take back. I will even autograph it for you.
The floor is now open.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Stuffing Your Stuff
So, I'm moving.
A compassionate friend is going to let me live in her basement for the next few months. So Tav and I will be outta here soon.
I've been packing for over a month now and I cannot believe how much crapola I've gotten rid of. Boxes and boxes donated to a yard sale. Bags and bags thrown away. Then I look at what's left over and can't help but think - how pathetic to be 41 and starting my life over again with just this stuff. A toaster and blender that match. Two sewing machines. A twin bed and a recliner with duct tape on the arm where the cat scratched a hole in it. A cedar chest that weighs a good 800 pounds.
Stuff, stuff, stuff. Aren't we all just obsessed with our stuff. We either have too much stuff, not enough stuff, lots of stuff but no good stuff, or stuff that used to be good but now needs to be replaced with new stuff.
Well, since I'm about to take a good-sized pay cut for the next 4 months (gee, did I forget to mention that?), the stuff I have is the stuff I have for a while.
One thing that I do not have amongst my stuff is a copy of "First Born". In order for this Project to see fruition, I will have to add this to my stuff very soon. Then on November 5th, Our Hero's last film of 2010 debuts in theaters...and thus endeth our adventure.
Cry not, dear reader. I shall not leave you. In fact, if you send me your e-mail address (I think you can do it on the profile screen, or even post it here if you aren't afraid a homicidal maniac will steal it) I will let you know the address of 2011's blog when I have it.
A compassionate friend is going to let me live in her basement for the next few months. So Tav and I will be outta here soon.
I've been packing for over a month now and I cannot believe how much crapola I've gotten rid of. Boxes and boxes donated to a yard sale. Bags and bags thrown away. Then I look at what's left over and can't help but think - how pathetic to be 41 and starting my life over again with just this stuff. A toaster and blender that match. Two sewing machines. A twin bed and a recliner with duct tape on the arm where the cat scratched a hole in it. A cedar chest that weighs a good 800 pounds.
Stuff, stuff, stuff. Aren't we all just obsessed with our stuff. We either have too much stuff, not enough stuff, lots of stuff but no good stuff, or stuff that used to be good but now needs to be replaced with new stuff.
Well, since I'm about to take a good-sized pay cut for the next 4 months (gee, did I forget to mention that?), the stuff I have is the stuff I have for a while.
One thing that I do not have amongst my stuff is a copy of "First Born". In order for this Project to see fruition, I will have to add this to my stuff very soon. Then on November 5th, Our Hero's last film of 2010 debuts in theaters...and thus endeth our adventure.
Cry not, dear reader. I shall not leave you. In fact, if you send me your e-mail address (I think you can do it on the profile screen, or even post it here if you aren't afraid a homicidal maniac will steal it) I will let you know the address of 2011's blog when I have it.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Review #64 - Iron Man 2 (2010)
The time has come.
From the back of the box: "Robert Downey Jr. returns as billionaire Tony Stark in this thrilling sequel to the worldwide blockbuster. Now that his Super Hero secret has been revealed, Tony's life is more intense than ever. Everyone wants in on the Iron Man Technology, whether for power or profit...but for Ivan Vanko ("Whiplash"), it's revenge! Tony must once again suit up and face his most dangerous enemy yet, but not without a few allies of his own. Co-starring Mickey Rourke, Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle and Scarlett Johansson, Iron Man 2 is "spectacular!"
Iron Man 2 came out on DVD on Tuesday. We waited until WEDNESDAY to buy it at Wal-Mart. This is because I am a scientist, not some pathetic loser who has been on some sort of countdown for the past 65 days awaiting the release. I then waited until today, FRIDAY, to actually watch it. Again, scientist - not long-suffering fan who's been casting sidelong glances at a DVD case for the past two days, and giving it a loving stroke whenever I walk by it, like Oprah on a maple bar.
Ahem.
All that being said, I sat down with an 11-year old, a Dr. Pepper, a box of old-fashioned donuts, a bag of jalapeno chips and a carton of Whoppers earlier tonight to officially review Iron Man 2. You may recall, dearest reader, that Tav and I were in line at the Omak Theater back in May when the film was released, but I postponed my review until now, the dry spell before the wind down.
Side note- we only have 2 movies left. Can you flippin' believe it???
I'm going to assume that you haven't been on a lunar expedition for the past few years, and you've actually seen Iron Man. Did you like it? Well, you will like this one too. Did you hate it? Well, go back to the moon. Who asked you, anyway. Iron Man 2 is a little dark, a little opaque - who, exactly, is Scarlett Johansson supposed to be again? - but it's so entertaining, you don't really care. I mean, come on. It's a superhero movie. If you want accuracy and plausibility, watch "An Inconvenient Truth" or something like that.
(I'm inserting a Starkian raised brow and smirk here. Do as you see fit, depending on your own environmental and/or political leanings.)
The only action scene that was difficult to follow was Scarlett's butt-kicking montage, which was visually confusing due to her long red hair flopping everywhere. Other than that, it wasn't a visually overwhelming film, as some (many) tend to be, to the point where your brain gets so tired of tracking flying bodies, rolling cars and laser beams that you can't see straight enough to drive home. Some films make me nostalgic for Claymation. At least you could see what was going on.
Did I like it? Well, of course I did. After all I've endured this year film-wise, I deserved Iron Man 2. This is my flick, which I benevolently share with the population at large. You may miss it, if you're not watching closely - but there's a dedication at the end: "To Tina, with all my love and gratitude for enduring "Friends and Lovers" and "The Gingerbread Man", RD." Thanks, Bob.
We gotta go with a 10.
From the back of the box: "Robert Downey Jr. returns as billionaire Tony Stark in this thrilling sequel to the worldwide blockbuster. Now that his Super Hero secret has been revealed, Tony's life is more intense than ever. Everyone wants in on the Iron Man Technology, whether for power or profit...but for Ivan Vanko ("Whiplash"), it's revenge! Tony must once again suit up and face his most dangerous enemy yet, but not without a few allies of his own. Co-starring Mickey Rourke, Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle and Scarlett Johansson, Iron Man 2 is "spectacular!"
Iron Man 2 came out on DVD on Tuesday. We waited until WEDNESDAY to buy it at Wal-Mart. This is because I am a scientist, not some pathetic loser who has been on some sort of countdown for the past 65 days awaiting the release. I then waited until today, FRIDAY, to actually watch it. Again, scientist - not long-suffering fan who's been casting sidelong glances at a DVD case for the past two days, and giving it a loving stroke whenever I walk by it, like Oprah on a maple bar.
Ahem.
All that being said, I sat down with an 11-year old, a Dr. Pepper, a box of old-fashioned donuts, a bag of jalapeno chips and a carton of Whoppers earlier tonight to officially review Iron Man 2. You may recall, dearest reader, that Tav and I were in line at the Omak Theater back in May when the film was released, but I postponed my review until now, the dry spell before the wind down.
Side note- we only have 2 movies left. Can you flippin' believe it???
I'm going to assume that you haven't been on a lunar expedition for the past few years, and you've actually seen Iron Man. Did you like it? Well, you will like this one too. Did you hate it? Well, go back to the moon. Who asked you, anyway. Iron Man 2 is a little dark, a little opaque - who, exactly, is Scarlett Johansson supposed to be again? - but it's so entertaining, you don't really care. I mean, come on. It's a superhero movie. If you want accuracy and plausibility, watch "An Inconvenient Truth" or something like that.
(I'm inserting a Starkian raised brow and smirk here. Do as you see fit, depending on your own environmental and/or political leanings.)
The only action scene that was difficult to follow was Scarlett's butt-kicking montage, which was visually confusing due to her long red hair flopping everywhere. Other than that, it wasn't a visually overwhelming film, as some (many) tend to be, to the point where your brain gets so tired of tracking flying bodies, rolling cars and laser beams that you can't see straight enough to drive home. Some films make me nostalgic for Claymation. At least you could see what was going on.
Did I like it? Well, of course I did. After all I've endured this year film-wise, I deserved Iron Man 2. This is my flick, which I benevolently share with the population at large. You may miss it, if you're not watching closely - but there's a dedication at the end: "To Tina, with all my love and gratitude for enduring "Friends and Lovers" and "The Gingerbread Man", RD." Thanks, Bob.
We gotta go with a 10.
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